Chapter 1- The Birth

posted in: The Preacher's Son by Rock555 | 8

My mother was heavily pregnant and my dad’s mom wanted her to come to the village to deliver the baby and so after arriving in the village she meet my grand mom.

“mama amesierai, my mother greeted”


“idioko ma”

*am anang by tribe the above dialogue interprets as “good morning mama, and my grandma answered” how body and she said am fine*

My grand ma wanted me to be delivered in a herbalist house but my mother being a good christian she refused which made my grand ma hate her and promised not to take her to the hospital.

On the night of september 23rd, labour started, my grandma was hell bent on her treat she refused taking my mother to the hospital, that’s was how my mother trekked about 3miles to the village hospital to deliver me.

“Legend has it that if your mother is a trekker the child is also going to be a trademark trekker”

“Ma you have being delivered of a bouncing baby boy” the doctor smiled.

“Thank you” sir my mother chimed in weakly!!


“Eya,eya,eya” i screamed with hunger in my eyes.

“why is he crying na” my grand ma shouted,

“he no gree suck breast mama”

For the past four days i had neither eaten nor drank anything and everyone were tired of me(maybe that’s why am a legend in fasting tinz. Lol.)

My grandmother was tired of me, and she broke my childhood fasting with a hot plate of pap and salt, i cleared it all and they were all petrified.

“Nkoyo” Ma, my aunty answered

“Carry this pikin and him mama go to that Prophet for prayer house, i be like say demon don enter am”.

At least no child in his right sense would regret breast milk for four days in the name of “i dey vex say una born me for village”:D

I was carried to a prayer house down the road and when the prophetess saw me she screamed!!

“This child is going to be a prophet one day(am still waiting for that day o”

Ok that’s that for now…..

After three months in the village my dad came and carry i and my mom to go and continue life in the city of Port Harcourt with my elder sister….

Fast forward three years later, and i began life at school, where all my learning started, both good and bad…

Class-Nursery 1

“God make dem ring bell na, see i as my belle dey sing worship song” i said in my mind.

It was my first day in school and i was giving a plate of rice and full egg(for the first time then) to take to school.

“gling, gling, gling” yeah! The class screamed, time for wacking(it means eating, that’s my nickname sef, but that’s a story for another day).

After the break the next agenda on my mind was sleeping, so i sat don and put my head on the desk and started snoring.

“Dis chicken sweet o, abeg cut for me na abeg” i said stupidly. Before i knew!!

“pha” a slap landed on my i woke up with a huge chicken in my mind or so i taught.

“chai thank God o see as dream and e come to pass, but why this meat dey smell na” lo and behold my chicken meat had turned into a dirty socks in my mouth.

“So na socks i go dey chop and i dey dream about chicken” i taught as i quickly throw up the socks admist laughing from all corners of the class, i foolishly joined and laughed at my stupidity.
“Na who mess this kind smelly mess”my dad asked as we were watching tv that evening.

I being the culprit used my number 6 brain to quickly bring a solution. “mummy!! My aunty show us one style to catch person who mess o”

I quickly got up and started saying while pointing at everyone except me.

“who mess na dogo, dogo say na teacher, teacher say don worry na my class children mess am, puss puss puss” i landed it on my younger brother’s head and i was happy, i did a great brain work:

“Oya get up make we pray and off that TV” my dad commanded.

I reluctantly got up and off the TV because i was watching my favourite cartoon, ‘tom and jerry’.
“Oya uduak(my tribal name) stand up you are sleeping” my sharp eye father caught me, ‘na why this man sabi catch only me na i angrily said in my mind’.

I don’t know if my dad eyes is a sleep dictating machine nor do i know why i always sleep during prayer period abi na devil dey come knock me, according to naija films or so i taught.

“maybe he don’t like me because am praying in my stomach” i taught.

Finally the long prayer came to an end and we all were ask to go and sleep, that was when my eyes clear and i remembered my tom and jerry.

“Daddy i no wan sleep o, make i watch tom and jerry small” i asked in my most pleasing voice. The look i got from him was enough for me to jump and flee to my bed, because my dad bad eye can cause u hypertension.

“Oboy wait for me no chop that mango make i piss” i told my brother who was walking with a plate of mango. After offloading the piss in an imaginary bush i wanted go to where my brother was but my clothes felt like i was in River Benue, i was afraid and then i woke up.

“chai i don piss for bed o, daddy don tear my yansh”
“Na who send me to piss for dream na”
I quickly got up and change my clothes and i shifted my brother to my side and quickly laid down in dry side.

“oya wake up lets go and pray” my dad voice woke us all up.

“uduak who piss na” my brother asked i looked at him with fear in my heart because my dad said anytime i ever piss again i would be taken for deliverance.

My deliverance was not only prayers type but also with sweet koboko(horse whip) which i dreaded most. So i had to think of a way to avoid early morning beatings.

When i was arranged before the court of my father i was ask, “na who piss” “no be me o”i lied,

“so how did your knickers change”

“ehm na mosquito being dey bite me for yansh so i pull am to change another one” i told the first stupid lie that got to my head.

“oya go bring the knickers make i see am”

That was the moment i dreaded most but i had no choice but to bring it.

“So as big as you are you are still pissing on the bed” my dad queried!!

“So the time you were my age u no dey piss for bed also”, i wish i said that.

After collecting my strokes of cane and bashing i was asked to fast that morning because its because of my sins am still pissing on the bed when my younger ones are not.

“so which time pissing on bed come be sin nw” i intended shouting back but i held my mouth shut to avoid stories that touch.:D

That was how my journey to deliverance started, a trip i wished i never went. If only i knew what karma had in plan for me!!!

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8 Responses

  1. johneg

    hahahahaha . . .mehn, this is really funny! U knw, i’ve been laughing all tro koz i did most of those things in my childhood.

  2. Emarhdre

    With due respect, that’s not annang you’re writing at the beginning. . . Be not offended buh I couldn’t stand

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