Emmanuel had somehow walked up to the booth and stood behind me. He knew what I was going through. I have not said anything to the poor boy since the day before.
He was saying something behind me but I didn’t want to hear it, I was on the phone with Solomon.
“Please I need you to do only one last thing for me. I want you to forgive me. What happened was the first time. I never did it with him or anybody. I don’t have anyone else in Germany. I don’t know what I will do with myself now,” I said amidst tears.
Solomon interrupted me.
“You know what you were doing in Lisbon Portugal, return to the business. Bremen is a big city as you can see. I am sure there are thousands of men who would want to sleep with a beautiful girl like you. If you have something important to tell me, go ahead and say it now. I am going to change this number again and I will ask Johnson not to give the new one to you,” he said.
“I have nothing to say again. Just understand that if I don’t wake up the next day, remember that I loved you to my grave,” I said.
“Wait a minute here; you are not seriously thinking about killing yourself, are you? You are the cause of what you are going through. What am I supposed to do? Do you think I should hug you for sleeping with another man? Where is my fault here? Please tell me how all this has become my fault. I am only talking to you because I have your two bags here. If not, I would have killed this phone again and allow you to do whatever you wish. If you kill yourself, I will miss you for a few months and move on with my life.”
“What two bags? I left only one bag in Berlin,” I said.
“Oh, I bought a new one for you. It already has clothes and shoes and more. And I am not giving it away to anyone else, it’s for you. So when your camp is over, we will find a way to get them to wherever you will be posted. Then we can end all this once and for all. Goodbye,” he said and cut the call.
I didn’t know he bought me new things, he never said anything about it. But that was not the issue.
“Baby, everything will be alright. You will forget about him in a few days,” that was the Emmanuel boy saying behind me.
I turned around and looked him in the eyes. “You don’t understand. This is not about you Emmanuel. I don’t blame you for what happened, I blame only myself. But I want you to get one thing very clear. I am going to do everything I could to get back to him. He is my life in this lifetime; maybe you will have me in another lifetime. We have been through a lot together and this is not the best way to pay him back. Please stay away from me from now on. I don’t want anything to do with you again. Don’t even greet me if we meet on the road. Thanks for the good time we had together but this is where it ends,” I said as I walked away.
When the dinner bell rang around 6pm, I remembered that I haven’t eaten anything since the day before. I didn’t even remember food was part of life.
Slowly, I got up from bed and walked to the dining hall. The dinner was potato, I liked it, so I was able to eat little before everything thing that happened between me and Solomon came flooding back to my head. It nearly chocked me to death as I coughed for few seconds before I left the dining hall.
I had only 11 Euros left with me. I was sure that I won’t go near anything else except to make calls with it. Nothing else mattered to me anymore. The only objective facing me was how to get Solomon back to me.
I didn’t really wrap my head around why he was deeply upset the way he was. I was a Prostitute, a street hawker for that matter. That was what he met me doing in Lisbon. Why on earth was he so upset because of Emmanuel?
When I called Johnson back the following day, I told him to give me Mr. Frank’s phone number.
I called Mr. Frank and told him what happened. I told him that I could kill myself and I was serious about it.
He told me not to do such thing and after blaming me and reminding me that he warned me, he still promised to call Solomon and talk to him; although he warned me not to have big hopes because Solomon was stubborn.
For days and nights, I tried to call Solomon. Sometimes, he would take the call and cut it immediately without allowing me to say a word. Sometimes he would not answer at all. Sometimes he would just tell me to stop disturbing him and cut off the call. Some days he would pick the call, listened as I cried and then when my money got finished, everything ends there. That was the torment I went though while trying to get my man back.
Mr. Frank told me not to give up on him. He said he has spoken to Solomon and gave him reasons why he should accept me back. He also made me promise I would never do such thing again, a promise I was ready to make a million times and keep them too.
Things went on that way for a while until my interview date arrived. Then it became clear to me that I have not been able to rehearse everything I studied for the interview. Of course I still remembered my names and date of birth. I also still remembered the place I came from and all the small basic stuff but I still needed to rehearse. Unfortunately I couldn’t concentrate on anything except Solomon.
Nothing mattered to me anymore. I was hopeless and helpless. I didn’t care about the interview anymore, I didn’t care if I would succeed or not. If the Germans wanted to send me back to Africa as a result of my fluffing of the interview, I was ready. My life was already meaningless in Bremen. The only thing I cared for was no longer mine. There was no source of joy in my life anymore. I was just a walking dead girl. People complained about my weight. The Igbo boys said Emmanuel had given me HIV he carried from East Africa to Germany. They mocked me wherever and whenever they saw me. They said I should have accepted one of them instead of going to contact disease from Emmanuel. It was only Emmanuel who knew what I was going through. I was sure he would have been offering some soothing words but unfortunately, I banned him from speaking to me at all.
That was how I suffered in Bremen asylum camp.
That was how I created the mess that messed me up.
That was how I died for days in Germany.