Episode 46: It Was My Fault

posted in: Jennifer: Grass To Grace | 2

 

“Are you stupid? How dare you disturb people’s privacy?” Emmanuel shouted.

Attaboy, the brave East African warrior to the rescue..

Only if he knew the type of problem I was.

Solomon had turned his back on us and was walking away. Emmanuel was still holding one of my breasts and I was struggling to pull my blouse down to cover myself. I didn’t know what I was exactly doing. I couldn’t cry or shout. I couldn’t even talk to Solomon to stop. I was just no longer there. My life just crashed before my eyes. It would have been easier if someone told Solomon that I was dating a guy at the camp. I would have been able to deny it. But he caught me red handed.

He said he would come to Bremen; he didn’t come when he said he would, only to show up at the most wrong time of my entire life.

“Why are you crying? It’s not a big deal for someone to see you naked,” The east African idiot standing before me said.

He didn’t know what I was going through. He didn’t know I was no longer with him. I was far gone. I didn’t even know I was crying. It was over for me. I knew Solomon was a good man but I didn’t know how he would be able to forget such experience. It would hurt and haunt him forever. It just became obvious to me that we were no longer ever going to get married.

The only glimmer of hope in the entire incident was that he picked me up as a Prostitute. If he could love me after finding out I was a prostitute, he could also change his mind and return to me.

The Rose flower Solomon brought for me was there on the ground. I thought I could see it changing from red to black. I walked slowly down to where it was and picked it up.  There was a white paper wedged on it. I opened it and read the content.

“I am very sorry Jenny. I couldn’t make it last week as I promised. I was really busy trying to put things in order. I promise I won’t do that again. I love you.”

 

I was crying while I read the note. Emmanuel was saying something behind me but I didn’t know what he was saying. It suddenly occurred to me that I could still stop Solomon and see if he could listen to me. I doubted it but I had to try. As a result, I chased after him. By the time I was out of the woods to the road, he had stopped a cab and was entering. I waved frantically at the Taxi to stop but it moved away. I stood in one place and cried. I was sure he saw me standing there but he told the cab driver to drive away anyway.

Where else could he go if not the train station? I was sure he was heading back to Berlin. I figured I still have a chance to see him if I followed him to the station.

I waited for another taxi and when it stopped, I jumped inside and told him to take me to the Bremen Central station.

Five minutes later, I arrived at the station and walked to Gleis/platform 6 where the train to Berlin loaded, Solomon was there as expected. He was sitting alone in an isolated metal chair. There were no more tears in his eyes but one could see that he was crying and dying inside.

I walked to two meters of him and stopped. I didn’t know where to start. Sorry was the last thing he wanted to hear and I knew it. Sorry was too weak to start with after what he saw.

I decided to say something anyway because I knew that the moment the train arrived, he would jump inside and that would be the end of us.

“I know this may be the end of us and everything but I want to say something. I have no excuse for what happened. This guy has been disturbing me since I came here. Today is the first time we were going to do it and you found me. I think something didn’t want me to do anything with him. I know you don’t believe me but I want you to know this; I love you and will love you until I die,” I said as the white ICE (Inter City Express) Train blew its horn from afar.

The train was coming; there was not enough time to plead. I simply knelt down in front of him and cried. Passengers were staring at us. Solomon didn’t care; he covered his eyes with dark sunshades and pretended not to hear what I was saying.

He just allowed me to talk until the train stopped , then he stood up, walked to the train door with his small bag, turned around and looked at me, removed his sunshades and exposed the tears in his eyes. He was crying too; my boyfriend was crying, it was because of me. I knew him to be a very strong person, whatever that brought tears out of his eyes must have been too deep for him to bear.

I watched as Solomon walked to a seat near the window and sat there. The glass windows were transparent; therefore I walked near his window and stood there crying. I didn’t care about the people staring at me. Nothing mattered to me anymore. I couldn’t think of anything else. I was about to be abandoned in Bremen and it was my fault. No amount of prayers I would say against Solomon would affect him; he caught me in the act. I was at fault and he was the victim.

As the fast ICE Train started to drift away, he looked me in the eyes before he turned away. It was over between us and that was what the look was for.

“It’s okay Jennifer. Forget about that irresponsible boy. He can’t just stumble on peop…” Emmanuel was saying.

I didn’t even know he came to the Train Station too. My whole concentration was on Solomon.

“Don’t ever call him irresponsible again, you don’t know him,” I said and started walking away, hoping that somehow; the wind would carry what I just said to Solomon’s ears. But unfortunately, I knew it was just a long wish.

Emmanuel must have known that I was mad over what happened because he kept his distance until we came out of the vast Bremen Train Station.

“I am sorry, I didn’t know he is your boyfriend,” Emmanuel said.

He had managed to crawl beside me at the bus stop where I was waiting for the bus back to the camp.

“He was not just my boyfriend; he was my husband and my everything. Our relationship ended 45 minutes ago in those woods.”

“What, but you didn’t tell me you are married,” Emmanuel said.

I kept quiet.

I didn’t want to go down that discussion lane. I made my point already and I wanted him to also begin to feel the impact of what he just got me into.

The worst part of the situation was that I didn’t sleep with Emmanuel. Unfortunately no one would believe me, especially Solomon. To him, what he saw was enough to make his decision.

I was going to be abandoned and I didn’t need anyone to tell me I was going to suffer as a result of what I did. I already lost Solomon and only divine miracle would bring us back together.

I was the cause of everything; it was my fault.

 

****

For You Mrs. Cordelia Akpaka. No one could ask for a better mother.

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2 Responses

  1. Hope ur mother is okay ?

    Still following …

  2. This chapter is the best I’ve read. it is really touching.. even comical.
    Big ups ozoigbondu!

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