“Uduak come follow me let me teach you how to on a diesel generator” bro felix called me from church during service when Nepa interrupted their power supply.
I was still feeling pains from my knee cap, the injury i got while hustling for common five naira.
I still had revenge on my mind but i did not know how to achieve it but then an opportunity came which i grabbed with both hands and legs.
Bro felix had a fat arse and so when he bent down to turn the generator his trousers stuck into his arse hole, when i saw it an evil idea came into my head.
As he was turning the generator and was about pulling the handle out he inserted a finger in his anus and he slipped the handle out which struck his shin.
When i saw how he screamed i realised i had done an evil thing so i fled for my life and i went later in the evening to beg him.
But atleast that taught him a lesson never to joke with my sensibility: but not before getting the beatings of my life.
“I need so and so balloons to decorate our house for christmas” a female voice interrupted my office work.
Sorry, my office work was not a job in central bank of Makurdi but a job as a sales boy in mercy’s mother shop.
I wasn’t paid to do the work it was just ajayie(ask the nearest yoruba man next to you) things.
Every sunday, mercy usually helps her mother to sell in the shop but that day i wanted to avoid going inside the church so i begged her to leave the shop for me which she did gladly.
I had started day-dreaming when i heard a female voice interrupt my long forgotten dream of marrying a white woman.
But the voice i heard was not that of a white woman, it was a voice of a yoruba girl; Tolu.
The same girl that wrote me a love letter. Since that day i had been avoiding her and i always ran away anytime i saw her. But that did not stop her from trying all means to get me.
Tolu was alittle bit taller than i but she was also in jss1 but what intimidated me about her was her wealth and flamboyance.
Her queens english could make queen elizabeth jealous. I was an area boy who loved pidgin english more than correct grammar so it always vex me if i hear someone speaking and trying to bite their tongues with grammar as if they are the only ones that could speak it.
Her parents were also bloody rich, her dad a V.C at the university and her mum, worked with the education board so tolu thought she could bribe everyone to her side with her cash.
I was one of those people but in as much as i loved money u never stoop myself to go and meet her unless she send gifts to me which i gladly accepted.
“So which one do you want” i asked with a shaky voice.
She smiled and entered the shop with me and closed the door, suddenly i felt air-tight like we were in a tube. I could smell her expensive perfume.
“Is this ones” she said pointing at the selected ones while she behaved like she did not notice the tense atmosphere.
I turned my back to her to get the balloons she pointed at, that gave her the opportunity to bend down and she put something in my shoe which made me turn.
She laughed and told me to carry the balloons for her which i quickly did and gave her. She paid but she still stayed there looking at me.
“Wetin na, you wan chop me” i asked the smiling yoruba girl.
“No, am just admiring your lips” she said, which made me suspicious and i touched my lips to see why someone would admire it.
She gave a small laugh and before i could ask her What’s wrong she pointed at an unknown place which i turned and saw nothing.
She used that opportunity to come close and grab me, before i knew her tongue was in my mouth.
I did not go to heaven this time, i only saw the devil sitting on a mango tree and saying “I don catch you”.
I was powerless to stop her and i was almost getting ready to savour the moment when we heard a knock on the door, we opened to see Mercy who did not suspect anything because she saw Tolu with a hand full of balloons. They both went out and left me alone.
Why na when better thing wan come my way, trouble go come? I thought sadly, then i remembered that something was in my shoe.
I removed my leg and i saw a 500naira note tuck there. Mehn this babe get money too much. I quickly grabbed the poor naira note and put into my pocket.
“You are not going to spend christmas with us” my father told me about a week to christmas.
“Why is it so” i asked him
“Tolu’s parents said you can come and stay with them to keep Tolu company because they would be travelling and she was the only child”.
I thought hard, was it a plan for Tolu to finally get me, if not why wont she tell her parents to allow one of her female friends. Why me? That was the questions that filled my mind till i went to bed that night. Well i just had to wait and see what fate had in stock for me.
That night was my most frightening night ever because the men of the underworld came visiting.
“Oya wake up go sleep” my dad woke us up from front of the television.
We had been watching our favourite program; super story on NTA makurdi and we fell asleep when the network news started and as if it was elixir for us. We all fell asleep.
We all got up while hitting our heads on the wall and staggering like drunken idiots, we succeeded in reaching our rooms.
I shared a room with my brother then so i fell across the middle of the bed while my brother fell unto of my head.
I dreamt that i was carrying a big firewood on my head, i tried dropping it down but it was too heavy, finally i woke up and felt my head heavy, i slapped the fire wood and saw that i was my brother’s leg on my head that formed the firewood. I pushed it away and slept well.
“Na who dey point me light for dream na” i screamed out when something bright was shining in my face.
A heavy slap woke me up i jumped up like a wounded lion and shout;
“Morning neva do, una come dey wake person, abeg leave me johr”
“My friend shut up before a break your jaw” a hoarse voice answered me which made me jump to my feet and my eyes cleared.
I tried shading my eyes against the light and see more but my mother drew me down and i realised they were all laying down on the ground with their heads down.
“Where is your money” the leader asked us, my father did not answer him so he hit him with the butt of his gun.
They searched every where and found some money and they took with all our phones.
They gave each of us one slaps each because the money was not much, i wanted to say something but my mother held me down.
The only thing that pain me was that jet li beat some armed robbers in the film i watched and i was not allowed to show my talents in kung fu.
After they left we all got up and my dad raised under my bed and the money he kept there was still intact, the only thing the thieves stole was just the phones and about 2500 naira.
The next day in church we recovered all through an offering:.
Now what was on my mind was the christmas break with Tolu’s family.
About two days to christmas i packed the little clothes i would use and went with my father to their house in the university of Agriculture, Makurdi.
They lived in a spacious G.R.A where by houses are spaced very well that you could never look from your house and see your neighbour’s so it was like a secluded environment from everything.
No wonder Tolu wanted someone to come stay with her, but why must it be me.
My dad finally left me there but not with giving me some advices about how i should behave and all.
I sat there thinking of how my christmas would be without throwing of knockouts, visiting friends and even teasing girls and pulling their hair. Or maybe God is punishing me for all the bad things i have done. I sat in my room miserably awaiting my doom.
“Come and eat” Tolu voice interrupted my thoughts and i followed her to the table.
What i saw on the dining table made me look at bro Felix as a poor man.
The table was set with plates of rice and large chicken laps that could make bro Felix struggle to ply his trade in europe was staring at me face to face.
I had never eaten chicken lap whole in my life because my parents were they ones that took that part.
So the sight of the palatable meal in my front made me change my career focus from footballer to professor.
I quickly drew a chair and asked Tolu which was my own, she just smiled at me and pass to her parents room.
I sat looking at all the food and using the aroma to digest myself, i was tempted to taste the food small but i waited because it was not my house.
I waited for about 15minutes before the whole family came and the father prayed before we all ate.
Tolu later told me that before any body eats her father must pray first.
Chai, i was thinking that i was coming to enjoy, i did not know they had laws and commandments.
In my house you can put food and eat every time but here you only eat when told to, this is not fair at t all i moaned at Tolu but she just gave her sexy smile and told me to wait and see.