“Good morning sir” my mother greeted the so called man of God.
“maybe my papa prayer never reach to cure piss” i taught.
“pastor, my son has a problem with urinating on the bed, even if he is not given anything to drink” my mother explained.
“don’t worry ma, that spirit of pissing must come out”, ‘boy come here’
“if you dream and you piss what kind of dream is that? Pls explain it”
“Sir if i dey for dream piss go the hungry me, so i will piss anywhere i like na” i said while sniffing back my tears.
“Jesus christ, ma this your son has been possessed by the spirit of demonic pissing” the pastor obviously in the spirit shouted. ”
“So na which time my piss come get demon na” i moaned.
“Arababababa shalomakotosha” the pastor spoke in tongues, abi its his father language i cared less to know. The only thing on my mind was on how i would solve the problem of my stomach.
“come out you spirit” the pastor screamed while holding my head and shaking it like a palm tree.
“if my head break eh! I swear you go born another son for my papa” i swore.
Then an idea entered my mind, i started shouting Amen and shaking like am catching cold. I then started pissing on the ground there. And then i fell down with a smile on my face.
“Ma this is the last piss your son will ever piss on the bed again” the pastor said looking at me laying like a corpse on the ground with urine round me.
I smiled and thought “pastor you think say your prayer fit stop my piss abi you think say you don tie my prick with spiritual wire! Make i go house na!!
The next morning………,
“Chai my yansh o, na who slap me na”i said angrily. My dad was looking at me furiously.
“so you have piss on the bed again, you will cry this morning”
“I talk am na, that pastor no fit catch me, i dey ghost mode” i foolishly commented.
“if you no come inside now we go close the door o” my sister said.
We were watching a movie title “End of the wicked by helen apkabio”. The film was so devilish with a lot of witchcraft scenes in it, which caused me to always run outside when that part was shown caused i was so afraid and thought that i would see the witches if i entered dark room.
We lived in a two storey apartment with our fellow missionary brethren in a suburb of Jos, Plateau state. My dad and mom were out and we were in our neighbours house watching a movie.
“uduak” my mother screamed,
“Go into the kitchen and bring me that big spoon”
The film i watched earlier was still having an effect on me. I was dead scared and was afraid to go there alone. Then i saw my neighbours daughter janet!!
“Abeg Janet come escort me go kitchen na” i begged.
“Ok na make we go”
Not knowing it would lead to another thing….
Janet is a girl the age of my elder sister, she was in primary three or so, while i was an innocent pikin still struggling to stop peeing on the bed. So i looked up to her as an elderly person.
So when my mother sent me to go and carry spoon from kitchen i begged her to follow me. When we got there we entered the kitchen and immediately NEPA interrupted the power supply and we both were thrown into darkness.
“Gan gan, so na so i go die with that witch wey kill kanayo .o. kanayo for that film” i trembled inwardly. I totally forgot about Janet!!
On the other hand Janet was more afraid than i but she was trying to hide it.
“Jesus!!! Mummy, mama G don catch my prick o” i screamed. Then i finally came back to my senses and remembered that i was together with Janet, while looking for way out the kitchen she mistakenly grab by Dick thinking it was the door handle.
“Ow so na you wan kill me with high BP ba” i quarried
“sorry o na mistake i do” but amazingly her hand never left my third leg.
“so na wetin be this na” she fired a jamb question while i fired mine back,
“na my tin na” i said while blushing.
“so na only piss you the use am do”
“no i dey use am fetch water”i said in my mind.
“yes na piss i dey use am piss”
“but why e come dey different from my own na”
“i no know”i answered her rhetorical question.
“But i fit see your own”
“ok na”she started pulling her pants and then!!!
“uduak where the spoon i send to bring”My mother’s voice brought me back to reality.
“mummy, i dey come” i countered back. We quickly arrange up and went out. Since then i and Janet became silent neighbours for reasons i cared not to know.
Then came the day i dread mostly in my entire life, till today……
September 10th 2001.
On that fateful day we were all home alone as usual with my neighbours children, my mom was working with first bank then, while my dad and the other missionaries went for evangelism.
We all sat down upstairs and were gossiping our silly kiddies gossip.
“see as jet li take beat that boss for that film, he try o” Tunde, Janet younger brother commented.
“na true o see as boss fall like bag of garri inside water” i supported him.
“gboa, gboa”we heard gunshots around us.
“Allah be praised”was the chants we were hearing from outside.
The next minute we ran to our balcony in our storey in time to see an Assemblies of God church opposite our house going up in flames.
“Oya every body go inside” my mothers younger sister who was staying with us commanded.
We ran in like frightened chickens. I knelt down and started praying my last prayer or so i taught.
“God abeg if na so i go die make you allow me dey for your right hand side, but God so na so my dream to marry oyinbo woman go die like that, abeg help me lord in Jesus name i pray” i got up and we all queued ourselves inside the house waiting for mr death.
“The moment the islamic fanatics knew that our compound belonged to missionaries, they set fire down stairs and the gate was barred from outside to avoid anyone from escaping”
Luckily for us, my mother came back…