‘Come here and sit down near me’ aunty PHE ordered.
I came shaking to her side and i remembered an experience i had while in jos that almost cost me my life………
We went for a retreat in kuru, jos and it was a 1 week camp meeting. We were having a bible study service in our children section and i was bored so i took a walk out of the camp. I started walking and i saw a house, my thoughts was just to take a walk to the house and come back but when i got to the house and i was about turning back when i had a moaning sound.
My heartbeat increased to 352 beats per minute because i could decimate the meaning of the moans, it was obvious two people were having sex, i quickly reversed my foot steps and went crouching down till i got under a window.
I quickly looked up and i saw two youths playing what their parents suppose to do. The guy was facing the window while the girl was kneeling at his front with her arse to him.
My pulse was racing and i wanted to get more glimpse of the forbidden action, so i shifted quietly while crouching and i quickly raised my head to do sharp looking but lo and behold i was seeing stars and hell at the same time, they last thing i remembered saying was ‘my head don break’ before passing out.
‘Young man you are lucky to be alive’ was the first thing i heard when i woke up.
I looked around and saw my camp members and parents looking at me then i saw two unfamiliar faces and i started thinking why they were there then it dawn on me, they were the young fuckers i was watching…….
When i wanted looking up for the second time i was directly under the glass window, so when i quickly got up i smashed my head into the glass and i fainted, i suffered severe bleeding.
I was later released from the clinic and i went back to the camp with a huge bandage on my head, i got a funny look from my mates and some even laughed at me, since that day i was afraid was watching such act.
So when the phe aunty was showing me her extra terrestrial package my mind was pinging its friends to cooperate because a show was about to happen, but my brain regeted the message and kept on reminding my mind of the Jos incident.
I went to sit near the aunty and she said, ‘what did you see’
‘Na which kind wahala be this na’ i dare not say
‘Ma i did not see anything o’ i said innocently
‘Ok check again’ she said while taking my hand and guiding it to her sacred chambers.
When i touch her punny the wetness there shock me, abi this aunty dey piss for bed also, i tot.
As if fire was set to my anus sense quickly entered my brain and i picked my school bag and ran like Usain Bolt to my father’s house without looking back.
The next morning i was still in shock and i did not want to go to school that day, i manage to stay at home till 8:30 before my dad caught me and ordered me to go school.
I was late and when i got to school the late comers were kneeling down so i did sharp man and went through the back so i can enter my class through the back.
I succeeded in going to my class and when i was about dropping my bag a female voice shouted ‘stop right there’.
My brain quickly sent an emergency ping to my asre when it recognised the voice, E DON RED FOR U.
‘Stop right there’
I turned with fright at the sound of the voice and i saw aunty PHE looking at me like goliath was looking at david.
‘So you wanted to escape when you are late’
‘Ma i was not escaping i only wanted to sweep the class’ i told the best lie that came to my brain not knowing i had added more pepper on head.
‘Ok since you want to sweep, you would sleep and be tired today, carry that broom and follow me.’
‘So na only staffroom i go sweep and this woman dey claim say i go tire’ i said in my jumbo mind.
She took me pass the staffroom and went to the ss3 class.
‘Start from here and sweep till you have swept the whole classes including yours’.
‘God i don die today why i no just hammer this aunty yestaday na’ i lamented
i started from ss3 a, b, c then ss2 a, b etc any class i enter i always receive insults plus small slaps and knocks then something happened when i started sweeping jss3 classes….
Five boys entered into the school, one of them was our student while the rest were from another school they were discussing and it seems an argument broke out between them and a bottle of beer came out from nowhere and landed on our student head.
The rest tried separating them but the same guy brought out a knife and stab the same boy on the stomach.
The whole school was watching the whole drama unfolding, but when their student was stab they students became furious and started chasing the other student and his friends.
I did not wait for angel Moses to tell me to lead the children of Israel in the pursuit, i quickly dropped my broom, ran to my class and hijack my bag and followed and chase after the bad guys or let me say i ran for my life, well i was not alone.
I ran and ran till i saw nobody again then i slowed down and tried to catch my breath when i heard footsteps coming to my direction, i quickly formed James Bond and flew into the bush, mehn i landed in a big poo.
‘guy na wetin you dey do inside bush na?’ i heard solomon voice or let me say i scented his voice because the fresh poo increased my smelling abilities.
‘I just see one big bush meat nai i dive i come land for here o’ i lied
‘Ok sorry oya carry this water wash face’
After washing my face my eye became clear like the man Jesus use spit to heal his face. Then i noticed solomon with his bag also.
‘Guy why you carry your bag na?’ i asked a stupid question.
Solomon laughed and told me that most of the students were not pursuing those boys, they were only looking for way to escape home also.
‘Nawao for this school’ i exclaimed as if am not a candidate also.
We walked to a mango tree and i started climbing when i climbed the second branch and look down i almost fainted, then i was so afraid of heights.
‘Guy come down make i dey plug dey trowey for you’ solomon said at the top of the tree.
‘No i dey receive fresh air’ i said while gripping the branch tight, air that was causing me to sweat.
Solomon was busing raining down mangoes while i was dying on the tree like George of the jungle.
‘Na who dey plug this mango?’ some seniors who also joined in our exodus to the bush abi escapades shouted while picking the mangoes and eating and also supplementing their bags.
We froze on the tree and waited like thieves waiting for its victim. Suddenly i heard a buzz sound near my eyes i quickly waved my hand thinking it was a fly, until it sting me i shouted and the seniors that were about going became alert.
I turned and saw about five bees coming to my direction, i had two choices; either i jumped down or allow them to enjoy me, but i was 10feet above the ground already.
I quickly choose option one and jumped down like jet li but the bees were determined like the boss in terminator 1 and they follow me with the speed of keke napep.
When i landed on the ground my eyes had increased in size and the bees were impressed by the artwork they performed on me and they went after the seniors packing our mangoes.
After seeing my eyes the did not wait for keshi to invite them to the national team they quickly dropped their bags and ran away tripping over themselves.
I quickly ran to their bags and got a leather which i used to take back my mangoes and even added biros, cleaners etc.
Thank you bees for helping me o, i said excitedly as Solomon and I quickly ran with our loots into the opposite direction.
I did not know my actions have made me a prey bush meat to the hunting seniors.