26: I am a celebrity

posted in: Season 3: Amsterdam | 21

Chapter 26: The Comedian.

As soon as the Colombian thugs left, i started making calls. I told a few people that i knew someone who had good stuff.
I told only two people that it was me who own the stuff. People started calling later and before the end of the day, i had sold the whole stuff. There wasn’t much money in it for me. I had only made €1000 from the two Kilos. I could have made more if i had decided to grind and mix the pure stuff with Soda powder (Ntugwa), but in truth, i was afraid of the Colombian thugs. I was sure they brought the gun along just to show me that they could kill me if i tampered with their business.

I called Carlos that evening and told him that i have sold them out. He said that his friend would contact me soon.
In less than five minutes, my phone rang. It was the guy who had brought out the gun in my place. He said he was downstairs.
I took the money down to him and he disappeared.
Apparently he had been around my place since the drug was given to me. He must have been monitoring if and when i would move out of the house with a traveling bag. Those guys could do anything to protect their money.

When i told Carlos that i had given the money to Hugo, his friend, he thanked me and promised to send more drugs soon.

Business with Carlos continued. He would brought three kilos sometimes and even 1 kilo atimes. We never quarreled or misunderstood each other, he liked me a lot. At a stage, he stopped sending Hugo to get his money. He started coming by himself and asked me to bring it for him sometimes.
Things went on that way.

The Nigerian community had started seeing me in the public again. They asked questions of where i had been. They wanted to know how i made up the jokes i wrote on the newspaper. Everyone wanted to buy me drinks. I had started using some of their names to write funny jokes. I had turned a celebrity in Amsterdam. People recognized me wherever i went. Ify enjoyed the fame more than i did. She was happy and proud to be associated with me.
There was a concert organised by a Yoruba man in Bijlmer, it was a program ran by Julius Agwu. He had invited Julius Agwu to come to Amsterdam and perform. I was approached by the manager of JD Promotions, the organisers of the event. I was asked if i could tell some of my jokes on stage. I had agreed to perform without giving it much thought. I had seen some comedians performed on stages and i knew i was far better than them.

However on the day of the concert, i discovered that it wasn’t as simple as i thought. I didn’t practice. I didn’t take it serious. I had been included in the Posters which meant that my pictures were pasted all over Amsterdam and beyond.

On the morning of the event, i digged inside my archive of jokes and picked out six different jokes, then i thought about how to present them.
The show time was 8pm, however i panicked around 6pm, and took some whisky. It made me to lose some of the things i had planned for the night. As a result, i had Found a pen and wrote down the topics on my left hand. The topics was going to help me remember the jokes.

”Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Milla, the man behind the Best of Jokes” the MC had said.
It then dawned on me that i wasn’t dreaming. My hands were shaking as i walked up to the stage. The crowed were cheering which made things more difficult and challenging. I was expected not to disappoint.
I had walked like a goat and grabbed the Microphone.

”Ladies and gentlemen, i am Milla” i had said.
The crowd started clapping again. Things were going fine. I had wished that things would continue that way until my time was up but unfortunately, i was still going to talk and make them laugh.

I began with a joke i wrote about how President Yar’adua went to Algeria to on a state visit and when it was time to address the Algerian people, he had stood up and said.
”Thank you the people of Algeria, i would have so much loved to address you in your own language but unfortunately, i am not very good at Algebra”.
I had explained that the president thought that the Language of Algeria was Algebra.
People were laughing before i finished the first joke, it had helped me a lot and had given me a lot of confidence.
I had started the second joke amidst laughter and cheers from the crowd. My second joke was about a Robot machine that was invented by the Japanese which was capable of detecting lies.
The alcohol i took before the show had suddenly disappeared as i dazzled the audience with pure jokes. I had mixed my regular English with Pidgin English to allow the easy flow. It was a dilemma for me initially but as soon as things got underway, i didn’t care how i said anything anymore. I was the guy with the microphone.
The jokes i picked was exhausted before my 15 minutes and as a result, i resorted to picking individuals from the crowd to make jokes out of them. I told one that he left his wife at home and came to the show with his mother in-law. Another one was shouting at the back and when i told him to keep quiet that he came to Europe with legs, the crowd erupted again.
It was easier than i had thought. I wondered if that was all it took to become a comedian.
When i left the stage, many people wanted to take pictures with me. Even Julius Agwu himself asked that we take pictures. He said he would like to work with me when next he visited Europe.

I was given €400 and a bottle of Hennessy. After the show, i took many more pictures with People, especially young girls. Ify was naturally jealous and wanted me to stop taking pictures with girls.

When we got home, the door to our apartment was broken.
Danger alert!
Apparently the people who did that knew that i was to participate on the show. They must be Nigerians who knew that i was selling drugs almost daily.

We walked inside and everywhere was littered with our belongings.
I went to the kitchen where i kept one Kilo of Drugs Carlos gave me the day before and it was not there. They have taken it.

” Obstacles are those frightful
things you see when you take
your eyes off the goal”

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21 Responses

  1. Yawa don gas ooo

  2. OMG…..carlos stuffs

  3. More money more problem,lets hope the walawallans believes ur story.See gobe.

  4. iykomo ZERO

    wow, i knew you’re gonna survive it sha..

  5. Finally!!…. Started from d bottom now am here… Yop Yop..
    Ozo!gbondu 1….

    U is a Wizard..

  6. heyya ….carlos go pump u with bullet.

  7. @obinna ,zubby for no dey here de write d story if carlos pump am bullet…d guy na 007 agent.he escape tru julius agu come back naija

  8. WoooooW….wooow…we want more…v u solved d login problem zubby??

  9. Now this is not good. Damn serious.

  10. Numero uuuno

    Hmnn……
    Still following

  11. Emeka Enudi

    See wahala

  12. Wow….Åm sure they will believe yur stories since yu’ve never tried such before.Bring it on bro!!!!!

  13. Hmm see Gobe

  14. Numero uuuno

    After thinking again…
    The suspects are
    1)Dozie
    2)Mike
    3)Carlos….he might be testing you.
    4)IFY might have set you up.
    Still following.

  15. Whao, dis becomin interesting.

  16. He will just call Nigeria for them to send him money. Btw, dis is after eleven, saturday n no update yet?

  17. One update for today and tomorrow.

  18. Zubby bring it on pls, I don’t want to miss dis piece 4 anytin stil hia waitin .Lmao

  19. @Tugbus I believe in what u just said.

  20. problems dey oooo zuby ur own get K leg

  21. Favouritemercy

    Zuby will scale thru… dude di smart di egwu

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