45: Going back for Jennifer

I returned from Frankfurt Oder and started missing the piece of metal. I couldn’t understand why I panicked. It was true that the gun could have put me into a huge trouble but it also gave me a sense of security.

I sat on the edge of the bed and smoked my Marlboro. The phone rang, it was Marko. He said he was on his way to pick up 500grams of weed. I advised him to stay back in Brandenburg since there were Police hunt for a killer. He wasn’t happy about it but I told him to remember the drug rule number 9, ” When you suspect that the coast is not clear, don’t deal”.
He laughed and hung his phone.

Jennifer called next. I had decided to forgive her unconditionally. I thought about the future girls that would come into my life. I didn’t know what they did and a woman would never tell you what she did in the past. They even hardly tell you their right age not to talk of what they did. Almost all their pasts had black spots. It was the same thing for men as well but the rules of relationship were written by men. They almost pre-exonerated themselves from every fallout.

”I know you don’t have enough money to talk on the phone, so don’t waste your time crying or begging. I am no more angry with you” I said.

I had decided to go weak once more. Something I did once in a while. Life was really boring when you hold yourself down to a single kind of life all the time.
”We must always experience life both ways”

” Daddy” she said and kept quiet.

” How have you been” I asked her.
” They said I have lost so much weight” she said quietly.

I knew she must have been thinking that it was over between us. She must have skipped meals and must have cried for long. She was definitely going to lose some weight.

” Why did you lose weight” I asked that silly question knowing the likely reason why it happened.

She kept quiet for a while and started crying again. This time, the crying touched me deeply.
I wondered why I had abandoned her up there in Bremen, probably because I caught her making out with another man. Was that really enough reason to quit after what we have been through together. Perhaps I should have left her back in Portugal and let her continue with what she was doing BUT the truth was that we met each other for a reason just like every other meeting. It was always left for us to fight hard against temptations that could destroy our relationships whether marriage or not.

” Stop crying, I will come to Bremen tomorrow” I said.
She didn’t really believe it. She thought I just wanted to end the conversation.

”You will not come” she said between tears.

I told her that I would come before 11am, the next day. Her money finished abruptly as usual and the phone cut off.

As soon as the phone cut off, I brought down my small traveling bag and packed three new cloths I had bought for her, I pair of ladies sandals, toothpaste, toothbrush and some other things I would need.
I called Joe and told him that I was traveling to Bremen and that I may not return until three days.

I picked up the small bag and opened the door to the street. The cold afternoon breeze greeted me. I walked all the way down to Pankow U-bahn station and boarded a train to AlexanderPlatz. Then I followed S-Bahn to Zoo Garden station where the ICE Train to Bremen and Hamburg usually load up.

The train to Bremen was ten minutes away. I decided to wait on the platform and buy ticket inside the train. It was usually more expensive than buying it in the stores but I didn’t want to miss the train while buying tickets outside the station.
I didn’t want my little girl to cry on the phone anymore. It was time to go to Bremen. I told her that I would come in the morning but there was no need for Jennifer to wait until morning. She had cried enough.

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